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There is a daring new program being tested out in Yellowstone that was developed right here at the Institute. We often hire our top guns out as problem solvers when the folks in charge find themselves stumped. And this problem had the park management in a tizzy, I can tell you.
If you have been to Yellowstone lately you will have noticed that there is an abundance of Canada Geese in the park, more than an abundance, they are up to their eyelids in Canada Geese. They are everywhere, if you tip over a rock you will find Canada Geese. They are in the rivers, in the woods, up on the mountains, behind the dumpsters at the Yellowstone Lodge, under people’s feet, in people’s hair, there are just a whole lot of Canada Geese. They need to be regulated.
On the other hand you have a fair number of buffalo bulls that are transitioning from being full-time in your face herd breeders and dominant knock your widget in the dirt leaders, to go sit out on the hillside, can’t cut it any more, retirees. They’re still viable useful individuals but they have been marginalized, either by the downturn, or reaching the mandatory buffalo retirement age of 31, or they just got their ass handed to them in the last rut by some young Turk who is now the bull duck in the pond and now they’re out of a job. But none the less, they still have value, not to mention experience, knowledge, and a great work ethic.
The absolute brilliance of this plan still boggles our mind. What you do see, is you get the buffalo to herd the geese. Yeah I know, simple right? It just makes sense. The buffalo are used to making other animals do what they want them to, so they don’t take no for an answer. What better choice is there to work security. The buffalo herd the geese who go willingly because who wants to argue with a bull buffalo, back to a waterway like a river, or a pond, where the geese should be anyway. Thus they become much more manageable because they’re too busy trying to stay afloat and keep other geese from getting in their stuff, than to go somewhere else and cause trouble. Problem solved. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this is why we get the big bucks. This proves the need for an Institute that has your best interests at heart. We come at these problems from a different direction, outside the herd if you will, than other folks because they’re too restricted and hampered by worrying about what might actually work than to try the improbable if not ridiculous solutions we come up with.
And what we came up with here, this really smart but brilliant plan came out of our think-tank, ours, the one where we go to think. No one helped us in any way in the development or implementation of this program, no input from the dunderheads that couldn’t solve the problem in the first place, nothing, we did it all, so we are taking full credit for its success. We feel that this is a genuine Solution to a Non-problem and that’s the perfect place to be to make money if you’re a government sponsored entity. So Yes, if you look at it closely, it’s money for nothing and the chicks are free. If other National parks have this problem, or any other animal management problem that requires herding by buffalo, they’re going to have to contract with us and cough up the big shmeckolinos for its use. Chalk up another success for the Institute, you just can’t hold us down. Remember we’re making your tax dollars work for us.
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