Sorry about the late post today. Today was inoculation day here at the Institute and that always goes badly. As a part of our effort to keep current with society, every year about this time we inoculate for Stimulitis. Stimulitis as you know, is an insidious disease that can strike anyone, anywhere regardless of race, creed, tax bracket, shoe size, whether you voted for him or not, or previous inoculations. Lots of people think that if you’d had the shingles inoculation you’re covered for Stimulitis but that’s not true. If you don’t get the shot and it hurts, by the way, really, really bad, you are liable to get it. Stimulitis that is. Symptom’s vary but largely they can be rapid pulse, itching in that spot that no human can reach in the middle of your shoulder blades, very wide eyes, not the spacing between them that’s a matter between you and your God, but the size they become, shaking of your head up and down rapidly, shaking of your head side to side rapidly, bleating for no good reason, talking so fast that you find yourself being slapped by people you hardly know, sweating, pretending you don’t have Tourette’s, believing you know everyone you meet, exaggerated symptom – thinking they like you, doing everything that you’re physically capable of doing, all at the same time, leasing table space at Starbucks, and lastly but not finally, denying any of the symptoms described above.
In medical talk it can be boiled down to simply being overly stimulated. Worked up like. Sounds simple, but its anything but. The causes are everywhere, some say that writing a daily blog can bring it on, but the jury’s still out on that one. The only hope you have of maintaining some sort of normality is to be inoculated. The serum we have developed for use here at the Institute is proprietary and as such we have applied for patents on it and all of its derivatives so we cannot divulge it’s make up but it’s pretty darn potent, for sure. As of now the only delivery system we have is injecting it directly into the brain stem with a 7 gauge needle, which as you are no doubt aware, a small child can stick their thumb into, and slowly inject approximately 130 cc into the amniotic fluid which affects one’s motor skills. The amniotic fluid is the fluid that fills your spinal column and allows you to run and skip with the other children. After receiving 130 cc’s though you can expect to be pretty screwed up for a week or so, medically speaking. Plus it is sometimes problematic plugging up the hole a #7 needle makes but we’ve found that the eraser off a number 2 pencil works just fine.
The fact that there is a more than small chance of death from using this method of delivery makes it very difficult to get the staff to cooperate. But as they are told as we tie them down, they should have read the fine print, it spells out very clearly their obligation to participate, willingly or not, in any trials, programs, tests, whims, or exploitation by the directorship of the Institute. So, like our butts are covered.
There is a small disagreement between the medical community and the Institute about whether amniotic fluid or something called Cerebrospinal fluid is the fluid found in the spinal column and then the Brain stem of course because they’re kind of near each other. Quite frankly we’ve never heard of Cerebrospinal fluid and my researchers assure me that the medical community, being sticklers for accuracy at the expense of making money, don’t know what the hell they’re talking about and we have a solid case if it ever goes to trial.
We’ve chosen the image above which was taken off the deck here at the Institute, to be soothing and helpful in the inoculated’s recovery, if they can lift their heads to see it that is. We hope to be back to out normal random posting time soon. In the mean time are you stimulated?