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Christmas Top Ten Gift Selection # 9 The Wave Generator

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Note: This is a repost of one of our Top Ten Gifts for the discerning buyer originally published in December of 2013, a year that will live in infamy. In what has become a half-assed tradition here at The Institute we have been irregularly reposting these now famous gift selections when we remember to do so in a lame attempt to create a Holiday Tradition and mostly because we suddenly realize it’s Christmas time and we don’t have squat done. It’s fun and we don’t have to spend the time making new stuff up. Enjoy.

Your Very Own “Wave” Generator

Our next Christmas gift selection is for the water lover on your list. Does your gift-ee love the water? Does he keep a surfboard on the top of his Hyundai year round? If he has shown up at your last get together wearing surfing shorts, his speech peppered with phrases like “hang 5” and “Gnarly, Dude” then this is the perfect gift for him and or her.

That’s right, it’s a Wave Generator! Another *The Institute Exclusive, this compact little one size fits all unit, is perfect for the backyard pool. It will turn the tamest backyard swimming hole into a raging category 5 tempest with the click of a button on the handy remote (batteries sold separately). Waves up to 70′ are easily produced by the powerful ½ h.p. Briggs and Stratton tri-fuel motor. Swim in the gentlest of currents or crank it up to the Tsunami setting and watch your neighbors scurry for cover. (Surfer, Boogie board and rope Not Included)

Whether they have a salt-water in ground pool complete with imitation lava flows or the Heritage Oval 33′ x 18′ x 52″ deep Platinum Above ground Pool available from your local Big Box store, they can enjoy the realistic pounding surf of a Hawaii vacation produced by this delightful add-on to their pool environment. For those unlucky souls who may live in a colder clime we offer the optional inline heater to bring the water temperature up to a tropical 104° the maximum allowed, so they can enjoy their pools year round. This is the gift that keeps on giving year after year.

Wave Generator Kit includes handy 4 color rigid cardboard storage box, a powerful ½ h.p Briggs and Stratton, UL approved, tri-fuel motor, runs on kerosene, whale oil, or handy natural gas. (On/Off LED indicator, ‘bright red means it’s wave ready’, powered by separate 220v line, check local codes before installing) one 3/4in. to 4ft. diameter chrome-plated heavy-duty plastic composite adaptor allows the motor and built-in pump to be connected directly from your garden hose to the 4′ diameter concrete pipe needed to connect to pool ( concrete pipe not included, purchase separately from your local plumbing outlet or hardware store ), the clever use of o-rings means no messy welding or soldering needed, and a no-rust stainless steel safety screen to go over 4′ diameter return water port located in bottom of pool, keeps those little tykes from being recirculated through the plumbing system. Plus three highly visible light reflecting stickers that can be applied to your pool walls warning of the danger of swimming alone in high surf, Handy translated (Mandarin to English) construction manual included, illustrated tips takes the guess-work out of those tricky plumbing connections.

Wave Generator Kit $28,150.95 cash, certified check or PayPal accepted. We do not accept credit cards for this product.

Other charges which may include heavy equipment rental, 4′ diameter concrete circulating pipe, contractor bribes, inspectors bribes, additional insurance premiums, o-rings, nuisance fence construction, security, and additional water bills are the sole responsibility of the purchaser. All parts except Briggs and Stratton motor made in China. Please allow 3 years for delivery.

Accessories available include: Inline water heater, sp40 sunscreen, Olympic rated inflatable water wings, lava rocks to place in bottom of pool to complete the illusion of being dragged over a reef by the rushing waves, safety rescue ring with attached nylon rope in Baywatch red, and owner’s manual with helpful CPR instructions on handy floppy disk for ease of reading on your computer or Palm Pilot.

Note: this is a ‘purchase and use at your own risk product’, the Institute, Its Director or shareholders, hangers-on, relatives and creditors are not responsible for any acts that may result in the death and or maiming of any individuals using this product. This product is sold as is with no claims made by the Institute as to its warranty, safety, usefulness, compliance with local building code regulations or durability. In fact, if I were you I wouldn’t buy this on a bet, unless there is someone you really, really want to get even with, then its perfect.

* Note: For those of you unfamiliar with The Institute and what it does, please see the page labeled The Institute on the Menu Bar above. That should explain everything. You shouldn’t have one single question remaining regarding The Institute after reading it. None. For those of you favored few who already know about the Institute, Nevermind. Return to your daily activities. Thank you for your support.

Figaro !

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Well it’s looking like spring is right around the corner here in Yellowstone and besides love, there is ‘you know what’, in the air. That’s right, Opera!  As you know every year Yellowstone’s denizens get together and put on a show. And what a show it is. Various animal groups send their very best talent to try out for the various parts available and auditions are in full swing throughout the park. It’s like American Idol for the four-legged set.

This year they are going to present Le Nozze di Figaro or as it is correctly pronounced here in the USA “The Marriage of Figaro”. This is the same one that was written by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, or old ‘Horndog’ as he was known in musical circles back then. Then being around 1786. It’s a comedy of course but the singing is serious, and many famous singers such as Pavarotti, Dion and The Belmonts, Gene Autry the singing cowboy, Placido Domingo, Enrico Caruso, Andrea Bocceli, Sting and Slim Whitman to name just a few have sung the part of Figaro.

The story is simple but compelling none the less and is considered to be a laugh riot extraordinaire by opera goers everywhere. Here is a brief synopsis.

The Marriage of Figaro continues the plot of The Barber of Seville, another side-splitting comedy, brought to you by the same folks at the Burgtheater in Vienna, several years later, and recounts a single “day of madness” (la folle journée) in the palace of Count Almaviva near Seville, Spain. There’s a woman who gets to be a countess; A really mean Doctor, our friend Figaro, his main squeeze Rosina a flighty but buxom wench and many others. There’s supposed to be a marriage but it gets all screwed up, and as the Opera closes everything has been straightened out and all ends well. It’s a fun-filled, zany, laugh a minute riot and a must see.

In a bold move the producers have chosen a young but sturdy Bighorn ram to play the part of Figaro who can be seen here practicing Figaro’s Aria, one of the catchy tunes that will have you humming it all day long.

The Institute has been graciously granted a large block of hard to obtain tickets to this amazing Spectacular, and we are making them available to the first 18,000 requests at the low price of $470 for adults and $350 for children under five. Now we know you’re going to want to see this once in a lifetime show so get your tickets early. We accept PayPal and cash, but please no personal checks, and as always se habla español. See you there.