Christmas Gift Selction # 7 For 2017 – Bird Of The Month Club

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Captive Golden Eagle

Note: This is a repost of one of our Top Ten Gifts for the discerning buyer originally published in December of 2013, a year that will live in infamy. In what has become a half-assed tradition here at The Institute we have been irregularly reposting these now famous gift selections when we remember to do so in a lame attempt to create a Holiday Tradition and mostly because we suddenly realize it’s Christmas time and we don’t have squat done. It’s fun and we don’t have to spend the time making new stuff up. Enjoy.

*The Institutes Own Bird of the Month Club!!!

Here’s something truly different for that often fussy hard to shop for person on your gift list. Give them a membership to our exclusive Bird of the Month club. They’ll have you to thank as each month, regular as clockwork, the Fed-ex guy shows up at their doorstep with that months selection. All birds are guaranteed to arrive alive, healthy and hungry, with full documentation as to country of origin, quarantine papers, customs declarations and care and feeding instructions. Note: our birds are guaranteed to be alive upon delivery, unlike the parrots that were imported from England in the 60’s that arrived as, well, dead parrots.

This has been a very successful program for us with satisfied customers in nearly every state. Imagine the fun as you wait for the Fed-ex delivery of each new months selection. Not only will the kids will be out of their excited sugar fried brains, but you will be too, as you wait for each month’s unique delivery. We can tell you the types of birds you will be receiving during the year but it will be a surprise as to which individual species you get each month.

This month’s selection has already been chosen and as you can see it is the beautiful American Golden Eagle. Imagine owning your very own Golden Eagle! This bird had recently been flying free over the Rocky mountains, hunting its prey, the Snowshoe hare or the wily Hoary Marmot or the occasional Shih Tzu, and through a special arrangement with the Department of the Interior we are able to trap them (using a patented humane Leg and Beak restraint system we developed here at the Institute) re-educate them and sedate them with FDA approved “EagleDown”  a mild tranquilizer we use to make the birds manageable while we do stuff to them.

Birds arrive at your doorstep in a humane carton, ready to be unpacked and placed in their new surroundings. Simply remove the bird, dispose of the packing pellets and snip the military grade zip-ties with heavy-duty wire cutters (not included), remove the eye patches and quickly but firmly stuff the bird into its new cast iron home, a 2′ x 3′ cast iron cage constructed out of 3/4″ rebar and welded tightly by trained free-range welders. Cage optional at small extra cost. Note: on some of the larger, more aggressive species you may choose to reverse the unpacking order. Note: Allow 7-14 days for sedative to wear off before handling birds. Carabao (water buffalo) hide gloves highly recommended, available for a small extra cost. If cage is not purchased we recommend chaining bird to heavy door frame, oak or heavy fire resistant metal best. Have children stay back at least 3′ from chained bird during birds waking hours.

Use caution when throwing live rabbits, (our eagles primary food) at them during feeding times. Eagles fiercely protect their food and will attack anyone coming close. Restrain children with fuzzy furry slippers from approaching eagle. There have been some unfortunate incidents reported. Live rabbits, or bunnies as they’re known in the United States, or hares as our friends in the U.K. call them, are available from our catalog at a small extra charge. Flemish Giant Rabbits also available by special order. Each Flemish Giant rabbit is a four day supply of food for your Eagle. Special pricing if rabbits are ordered around Easter. Choose our Year’s supply in special garage-ready storage unit.

This years exciting selection of species include the European Wood Stork, the very one that delivers all those European babies, the feisty but lovable Caracara, a South American eagle, (wear protective eyewear around this eagles razor sharp beak) the Dipper or Ouzel for those with garden ponds, our choice of either a Great, Barred, or Barn owl, Sorry no Snowy’s this year. We were unable to come to an agreement with the Canadian government over our trapping methods.

New this year, the Black-Browed Albatross, usually a long oceanic flier but we have modified the feather patterns on either wing so they simply loop around your yard in a delightful but small radius circle. (your choice of either left or right wing. Do not choose both wings option as the bird then will just sit on the edge of the pond in a non-flying state) Perfect for those with small garden ponds. 100′ of 600lb. test monofilament “TetherSafe” line available for small extra cost. Monofilament line is transparent so it looks like bird is flying free. Another new choice is the Snail-eating Limpkin, another treat for the indoor or outdoor gardener. We’ve included the Vermillion Flycatcher, great for shut-ins and apartment dwellers. No more flyswatters for you!

A perennial favorite and recently brought back to our collection by special agreement with the Egyptian government, we proudly offer the classic White Ibis, long a favorite of those pert but sassy pyramid builders. Our new and improved variety no longer needs to be near major architecture. (Our Ibis is most comfortable around homes of 7500′ to 12,000 square feet, but have been known to survive around upgraded mobile homes.This selection replaces the Roseate Spoonbill we normally have on hand. Due to a diet change imposed on the spoonbills by the Florida division of wildlife the Roseate Spoonbills’ color has turned from its usual lovely rose color to a muddy dull maroon with green highlights, quite below our standards.

We round out the selections with our usual, Western Tanager, Emu, African Bee eater, and the always popular, Scarlett Macaw.

Bird of the Month Club Membership 12.95 per month plus shipping and handling

Availability: In Stock

Note: Due to fluctuations in the world market, revolts, coups and general unrest, customs intercessions, organized disapproval of our practices, or lack of funds to complete the program we may at our discretion substitute a realistic life-like hand-painted reproduction of the common sparrow, or even a slightly faded photograph of same if our monthly choice of species is unavailable.

 

This is one of our least expensive gift programs selected this year but we’re sure you’ll agree it’s certainly one of our most unique. We can offer this program at such a low price because of the huge volume we do in the licit trade of relocating animals and birds around the globe. You may also wish to explore our trial program of “Ducks of the Month” and new this year “African Predators of the Month” this should be an exciting program. Order soon!! Order Often!!

* Note: For those of you unfamiliar with The Institute and what it does, please see the page labeled The Institute on the Menu Bar above. That should explain everything. You shouldn’t have one single question remaining regarding The Institute after reading it. None. For those of you favored few who already know about the Institute, Nevermind. Return to your daily activities. Thank you for your support.

Notice! Important Rodeo News Announcement

This post has been moved to OpenChutes.com. All future postings of Powwows, Indian Relay Races, Rodeos and Rendezvous will be posted there from now on exclusively. So if you’re looking for new images and posts for all those events attended this year, plus all the old posts posted on BigShotsNow.com check out OpenChutes.com. See you there!

For Immediate Release:

No NDA; Full Dispersement All TV, Radio and Print

© The Institute Public Relations Department

New Breed of Rodeo Bull available immediately

The Institute announced today the release of a new breed of bull to be used in all general rodeos both public and private. A member of the Sanga species of cattle, the Ankole-Watusi or Ankole Longhorn is a 1200-1600 lb. animal with rather remarkable horns that grow to 8′ in width and have been measured at 12′ across from tip to tip in the truly larger specimens.

We see them as particularly interesting in events such as Steer roping, Steer Wrestling, Bull riding, kiddie rodeos etc. We do not recommend them for petting zoos, carnivals or arcades that feature cows doing tricks, or as a replacement for oxen, carabao, or other domesticated breeds of working cattle. Due to their unpredictable tendencies towards mayhem and property damage we do not sell, rent or lend them to private citizens or countries hostile to the interests of the U.S.

They are trail-able in open top trailers with four or more axles. They do not respond well to cattle prods but can be managed with portable Arc welders set on high. Tig welders work best rather than the spool fed Mig welder as you can more easily drop the Tig welder assembly and run away when necessary, where as many Cowhands have become tangled in the wire feeder spool of the Tig welder and been tripped up letting the irritated bull “Catch” them and stomp off their legs.

Imagine the excitement of watching the “Big Loop” ropers as they spin the big hoop to catch one of these fast-moving bullet train bulls. Or the size of the biceps, not to mention the Juevos, on those heavy duty Steer wrestlers as they try to bring down one of these bad boys. Bull riders will be “backing up” when they draw one of these huge fellows. Think Mike Tyson when they draw one of these guys and hopefully getting an ear bit off will be the least of their problems. They’ll probably need an ear bit off just to get on one of these. These are not just your typical African cows. As you may have already imagined, being a product of The Institute, we have genetically modified these bulls to behave just a little more aggressively and be a tad more murderous and quicker to become miffed at any one who tries to ride them.

These new “Rodeo Ready™ bulls are only available from The Institute and can be rented by the hour, day or season (with acceptable credit) from our Rodeo-Ready™ Supply store here at The Institute’s Rodeo Training™ and Physical Therapy department. Note: Due to liability issues we can not rent out more that 150 bulls to any one customer. Please contact Clarence “one Eye” McThompson in our prosthetics and Ass-Sling department for more details.

End of Press Release. All news outlets run as many times as possible. See below for further information on these great new Rodeo Bulls.

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These animals were usually owned by African Royalty and were called the “Cattle of Kings” and the Inyambo, “the cows with long, long horns.” As this breed is also known for its ferocious, aggressive tendencies and a unabiding hatred of humans, and a desire and an ability to mash much of the royalty that owned them to a thin paste under their hooves, plus their inability to get along generally, they are considered extinct in many parts of Africa today. This bull is an adaptation of a much older African species of bovine mutilators used by many tribes to decimate, or at least wipe out, their enemies by sending elven or twelve of them into their neighbors Enkang (village) to wreak havoc on their Bombas (homes) by first leveling the village then eating the materials used to build their huts. Thereby leaving their enemies homeless, penniless and dung ridden and easy to subdue.

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This close up of bull no. 8811 or “Little Bill” as he’s known around the bull pen, shows one of the new characteristics of our genetic meddling with their DNA. Look closely at the rings circling their horns and you will see that there are darker and lighter rings circling them. Each of those rings are a permanent encoded marker, or record, of their victories in the arena. The darker rings signify the number of cowboys or anyone else goofy enough to get too close to them that indicates the contest resulted in a successful fatality. The lighter rings show that a permanent maiming took place rather than a fatality. This is a handy way to easily see the bulls level of meanness which is helpful if you want to bail when you’ve seen you’ve drawn one of these to ride. Given the patented lighter/darker formula of indicating the outcome of individual contests the completely dark areas at the ends of Little Bills horns show that he was one of the original dozen bulls sent into a village and the fatalities were too high to count. This resulted in the blackout at the end of his horns. Don’t mess with Little Bill if you don’t have to.

Let us know if we can help you with your stock needs at any of your official, private, or backyard rodeos and we’ll be happy to send you one sample bull to try out. If you think he meets your needs we’ll be glad to work out a rental program to suit your requirements. Rodeo season is just around the corner and as the fatality record goes up these bulls will be hard to find. Reserve your stock now while we’re making deals. Otherwise expect to pay top dollar when all your regular bulls wimp out during the height of the season. Please direct all correspondence to The Director at the Institute.