Late Post

Late Post4619Red Crossbill Colorado                                                 click to enlarge

Hey Folks, sorry for the late post. We are really behind here with our regular work and we’re paying for it big time. As I mentioned several posts ago we’re running short-handed since the holidays and our stragglers have been slow returning. You think with the high minimum wage we seldom pay here they’d want to be here for just the bragging rights. But you give them a taste of freedom and away they go. They think the money is greener on the other side of the fence but that isn’t always the case as one of our PhD’s found out the hard way. He signed on with a huge Silicon valley firm and before you knew it he was back begging for his old job. It seems they actually wanted him to show up, work his full schedule and be responsible for his production, the heartless bastards. This place didn’t look so bad then.

Today was snowflake inventory day which happens the first of the month all winter long and it’s a mean dirty job. Every snowflake has to be counted, tagged and replaced close to where it originally landed. Our snow gauge is broken due to the extra heavy snow load, well it isn’t broken it’s just bent way over giving us false readings so the snow in that area has to be counted and verified by three different crews to make sure we’re getting accurate readings.

To complicate things we have to have the count finished by nightfall as you can not see the individual flakes after dark because, well, it’s dark. And you can’t use a flashlight as it melts the individual flakes and totally screws up the count. So as the day wears on we bring out every available hand to help. Our actual total for the day was a Googolplexian of snowflakes, which as you know is the worlds largest number with a name, no it’s not Maurice, it’s Googolplexian and it is a 1 with a googolplex of zeros behind it and a googolplex fills up like 20 pages with zeros typed really small. It’s a lot. Actually it was a Googolplexian and a half but as we round down here at The Institute so as not to inflate our numbers, we’re calling it an even Googolplexian.

What that did however was pull the tech that gets the image ready for the day’s post off his regular job and by the time we were done with our inventory it was this late so we just slammed up a picture of some orange birds we were saving for another story and there you are. Late. But it’s a post. It counts. OK then, a couple of new things today, a Googolplexian, and some orange birds. Could be worse.

 

Tough To Make A Living

ToughToMake a Living5528Sparrow Colorado winter                                           Click to enlarge

The other morning during our 800th snowstorm of the month I heard the faint rustling of tiny wings. Since it was snowing and I was sitting watching it out of the window of the Audubon bird viewing room here at The Institute headquarters, I was unsure of whether it was a bird’s wing I heard or the muted sounds of snowflakes gently careening into each other as they jockeyed for position to land. My spidey senses were at maximum alert as I have found that there is incredible competition between the snowflakes to land in the most picturesque spot for viewing. After all they only get one shot at it and they want it to be perfect.

My visitors that day were a special field crew from the Audubon Society here to use the facility to make a short documentary on how winter birds cope. They were enjoying the 70 year old cognac and the scent of imported Olive wood mixed with the aromatic Pinyon pine burning in the fireplace. Along with the sensation of sitting on 300 year old leather wingbacks from the Hermitage’s Amber room in St. Petersburg they were completely overcome with the creature comforts offered here at the Institute. Most field assignments lack many of these comforts which are de rigueur at the Institute. After all if you’re going to spend the government’s money you should spend it well. Fortunately several years ago the Hermitage was having a yard sale and we were able to pick up a matched set of twelve of these chairs for a steal. One had a small crack in the leather on the armrest but a piece of duct tape fixed that. We also got a really cool tea samovar that was marked down, but that’s a story for another time.

The birds they were seeing outside in the most perfect pristine winter conditions were some of the same birds featured in the Audubon prints in the original Double Elephant collection of the “Havell Edition”. They hang here in the gallery section of the burled-mahogany library now a part of the Audubon bird viewing room. We are fortunate enough to have six complete sets in our collection. With 475 images in each set we often rotate them to keep the gallery fresh. We had seven sets but found that one of our interns had been using them for placemats when she took lunch here in Audubon room. Eating in the Audubon room is strictly prohibited. She is now assigned to our Syrian office.

I don’t mind extending courtesy to the different groups that ask to visit the Audubon room but I insist on proper decorum and these people were nearly out of control with their whisperings and gasping’s of astonishment and constant fidgeting. I was slowly losing patience and was close to sending them packing when this little sparrow that I had heard fly in earlier began posing as if it knew it would soon be seen in HD on big screens everywhere. Apparently realizing its effect on the viewers standing there spellbound it began flitting from one place to another until it found the most exquisite background available and began feeding on the last of seed heads still above the snow.

Now with everyone so quiet you would have thought this was an IRS audit I could finally hear the soft sounds of the snowflakes neatly sifting together to create the white blanket covering the grounds. The sharp crack of each seed being opened as the sparrow went about its work making certain it didn’t miss one kernel, the sound of its feather edges rubbing together as it fluffed up against the cold, and the faint punctuation of the 18th century grandfather clock out in the hallway as it played the final notes of Schubert’s Ave Maria chimes was a counterpoint to everyone’s concentration and made for the perfect balance of watcher and watchee.

I realized that both the sparrow and I had a tough way to make a living. It had to manage the conditions it worked in and so did I. It had to constantly look good, stay fed and healthy, and make sure it got plenty of screen time. Actually the sparrow and I had more in common than I thought

Deep Thoughts

DeepThoughts6867Canada Goose and goslings Yellowstone                       click to enlarge

Here it is, the day I’ve been dreading. Mom says today we go into the river. Boy it looks cold. Dad says if we don’t go in a coyote will eat us, but he’s always saying stuff like that. I haven’t even seen a coyote. We saw a small foot once just laying in the grass and Mom and Dad got all weird and sent us into the high grass while they ran around flapping their wings and making lots of noise but I didn’t think it was a coyote.

I told them I didn’t think I was going in. I thought I would just wait awhile until I was a little bigger. Dad says I’m going in come hell or high water whatever that means. How you gonna be a goose if you don’t go in the water, he asked, but I’m rethinking this whole goose thing if that what is it takes to be one. Mom says there’s nothing to it you just fall in bob around a little, make your feet go back and forth like you’re walking and that’s it. You’re a goose. I’m not so sure, I’ve seen them swimming and they can swim really fast. How am I gonna keep up. Did you see the size of their feet. They’re like humongous. I’ve only got little feet, no way I can stay with them. What if I get swept down the river, how’re they gonna find me. I’ll get eaten by a coyote for sure then. This is turning out to be a really stupid idea. I’m not going.

Whoa…Dad just picked up sis with his beak and totally flung her in the river. Holy man, she’s bobbing though and there she goes swimming right behind Mom. Ok, OK dad I’m going, really, I just want to ease in sorta, don’t push. Alright then, this isn’t so bad. I don’t know what sis was so scared about, this is a piece of cake. Ha! I got goose written all over me.