Monthly Archives: May 2014

River Of Sand

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Upper Antelope Canyon Navajo Nation Arizona

This is Upper Antelope Canyon. If you have had a Southwestern calendar in the last 50 years you most likely have seen pictures of it. Many times you will have seen the famous images of this canyon with a single light beam coming down from the ceiling a hundred feet or more overhead to illuminate a spot on the floor. Or the classic shots of swirls of color looking like old-fashion pulled taffy.

The colors are what get everyone. The spectacular combinations of reds and purples, oranges and light yellows that constantly change their hues and intensities as the sun moves across the opening in the ceiling above. So mesmerizing are these colors that many times you forget to look around and take in some of the other aspects of this incredible place. You are totally caught up in examining this display of exotic hues up close. The immediacy of the walls, the narrowness of the canyon, the normally short viewing distances, make you feel like you’re locked into a stone rainbow or a slowly adjusting kaleidoscope.

There are several places where you can see into the canyon for a short distance and it gives you a completely different perspective. It looks as if the canyon goes on forever with a new secret around each twist and bend. The floor is made up of a river of sand the consistency of fine flour that feels marvelous beneath your feet. This slow-moving stream that has been moving through this canyon for eons wants to carry you into the depths and will if you let it.

Happy Mother’s Day

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Happy MothersDay9074Grizzly and Her Cub Yellowstone

Well, this had been a heck of a darn day I can tell you. We all got up early to celebrate Mother’s Day and woke up to a massive snow storm that has left close to two feet of snow all over the Institute grounds, no electricity and the darned internet was down until just now. We were afraid that we wouldn’t be able to wish all you mothers out there a Happy day. The power just came back on just a few minutes ago so everyone is frantically typing to get the message out before this wet heavy snow takes the lines down again.

We had big plans here at The Institute to celebrate our mothers, of which we have way too many. Some say you can’t have too many mothers but I invite those folks to spend the day cooped up with a bunch of mothers and see if they’re singing the same tune at the end of the day.

The Institute has its own power supply which is a giant 28′ wheel made out of cast iron that looks kinda like a ferris wheel without the chairs. It’s wide enough that six to seven mothers can walk abreast on it, kinda like a bunch of human gerbils, turning it, and producing what power we need. Some of these mothers were a little grumpy when they had to shovel the quarter-mile path down to the power plant to even get to walk the wheel to make electricity, but they eventually made it and soon were in good spirits, walking the wheel, singing songs of motherhood and even rapping a little. Quite the little party down there.

We also didn’t have the internet all day because ours comes in little packets over the telephone line and when the snow gets really heavy it prevents the packets from going up the hill so they can then slide down to our modem. Fortunately some of our mothers were in the Israeli military and with a little coaxing they were able to shinny up the poles and push those pesky packets down the hill to our modem. Those mothers could climb. Thank you mothers.

Thing seem to be back to normal now except for the snow of course but the mothers have all drawn straws to see who will be shoveling through the night in case we have to get out to get more beer. We’ll celebrate Mother’s day next year and hopefully things won’t be so busy for our mothers. I have to go, I see our mothers returning from the power house and shift change is beginning for our midnight shovelers. These moms are going to be hungry so I need to tell them what to fix for supper so they don’t  have to think about that. Happy Mother’s day everyone.

Yellow Is The Color

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YellowIsTheColor6476Yellow-headed Blackbird Hutton Lake Wyoming

Yellow-headed Blackbirds are a striking bird. Two simple, contrasting, primary colors and you have a perfect combination. Too much of either color and the effect would be spoiled. None of this riotous color mixing that you find on some of the South American birds like the Bird of Paradise which is nearly kaleidoscopically colored, for these birds. Just yellow and black, simple is just right. They’re considered to be a common bird which makes them sound as if they don’t deserve closer inspection and respect, but so are Bald Eagles if you live in Homer, Alaska.

You will find them in marshy areas with tall slender reeds that bend in the slightest breeze, hanging on to the stem and swaying back and forth in time to nature’s rhythm. Or sometimes sitting amongst the grey-green of the sage, their bright colors contrasting with the normally bland look of the marsh and its surroundings, they stand out and give life to the otherwise monochromatic view. They aren’t considered a song bird, in fact according to the Audubon Society Master Guide to Birding, their voice, they don’t even dignify them with calling it a song, is a cacophonous scraping or strangling noise, usually preceded by a few warning notes. Hardly a recommendation to the Met.

The noted ornithological song writer, Bob Billan, was so taken by the appearance of this bird that he dedicated his version of the folk song “Yellow is the Color of my True Loves Hair” to this bird. This was in his acoustic phase and some say he didn’t pay as close attention to details as he might have. In his infatuation and confusion however, he failed to note that it is the male of the species who has the bright yellow head while the female is drab in appearance with only a small amount of yellow on her face and breast. When this was pointed out to him they had already recorded the song and it was too late to change the lyrics to prevent offending those people who have a problem with inter-species love. Even though there was a certain amount of protest from the fundamentalists who would have this song banned, you can still hear it played at folk festivals and other places where normal people congregate.

Spring seems to be here at last and with it all the birds we love to see. Especially the Yellow-headed blackbird. I say that’s a good thing.

When The Cliffs Were Painted Red

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WhenCliffs Painted Red6274Mesa Verde National Park

We have received new information from one of our field units. As we have mentioned many times before, the Institute has a crack team of archaeologists out in the field every day of the year looking for unexplained phenomenon. In fact they’re simply not allowed back on the Institute grounds unless they have something exceptional to report, and if they do return for any reason they must camp at the main gate and toss their reports over the razor wire until we decide if the information is cool enough to warrant further action. Although this may seem harsh we believe it keeps them sharp and focused. If they bring back anything interesting enough for us to publish they are allowed to enter the grounds for six hours to change clothes, resupply, get their mail and visit with loved ones. So the pressure is on to get the story.

They have found a mystery in Mesa Verde National park. How could that be, you may ask, that place is old. But in one of the less remote areas of the park they have found irrefutable evidence of a massive project undertaken by the Anasazi people, who as you know are a bunch of old Indians that lived in the area a long time ago. They were known for erecting lots of stone apartment buildings in hard to get to places. Some are so hard to get to you can’t even get there. We don’t why they did that. It is another mystery we intend to take up later. This one is a lot cooler so we’re going to tackle it first.

For some reason those Anasazi folks took it upon themselves to paint the cliffs red. That’s right. Paint the whole darn cliff red. Look at the picture again, we’re not fooling around here. This is actual proof that there is an unexplained mystery here at Mesa Verde and we’re going to get to the bottom of it if we have to stay here until those pesky Anasazi come back.

Now they, the Anasazi, have done a lot of stuff that is unexplainable plus a few things that are but this takes the corn-meal. It raises a whole range of questions. How come they did that, being one of the biggest. We’re not sure yet but we have some theories that are awful much like guesses. How did they get up there to paint it when they didn’t have scaffolding knowledge yet, let alone aluminum fabrication.

Don’t even go to the place where ancient mariners from the planet Bulhkraap came in their space craft and helped them out. That’s just nuts and we do serious research here. Where did they get all that red paint? And is it paint and not something more sinister like, you know, blood. How did they apply it? That’s going to have taken some serious paint rollers and if they did use paint rollers Why haven’t any been found in their recycling areas. Did they have some other even more massive project that required who knows how much red paint that we don’t even know about yet, and this is just the left-overs that they dumped over the side of the cliff to get rid of? Well, is it? See what we mean, the questions are just begging for answers. Why has the park service been so quiet about this? What are they trying to cover up?

Right now I have to say we’re stymied. Just flat-out stymied. We have asked for permission to remove a large portion of the cliff for carbon analysis but as yet have not had a response from the mysteriously quiet park officials. Again, What’s up, Park Service? Why all the secrecy?. We may be stonewalled at the moment but if you know anything at all about us here at The Institute you know we don’t give up. After our crew has been out there for a year or two they’re going to be at a point where they’re going to get  answers anyway they can. We don’t condone any illegal activity but I’m just saying. They’ll want to come home.

As of right now you know what we know. The Anasazi mysteriously painted the cliffs red long before it became Mesa Verde National park. Again the question arises why would they do that when they knew millions of people would visit this site and be exposed to this desecration of one our nations Nation’s greatest treasures. Didn’t they care about public opinion? The mystery only deepens but we have the patience and tenacity to stick it out and get the answers we know you need. We will keep you posted and if you have a moment please take a second to write the President and members of Congress letting them know your feelings on this. And we know your feelings are ‘You’re darn mad and you’re not going to take it anymore’. I know they would appreciate hearing from you. Maybe we can get the park service off of square one and finally get some answers. Thank you for your support.

The Young Prince

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The Young Prince8908Spike Bull Elk Rocky Mountain National Park

The herd bull is King of the herd. He rules absolutely and his primary duty is to create a harem and sire as many calves as he can. He looks for the most acceptable cows so that his offspring are most suited to continue his line. Because he is the biggest and strongest his prodigy should be too. When he is successful it is readily apparent as his young are smaller versions of himself.

This is the young Prince, a result of a successful union between himself and the Queen Mother, the dominant cow in his harem. He is being groomed to assume the role of master of the herd just as soon as he grows his antlers to their full potential, has the required number of battles with his peers and finally is able to confront and over come the herd bull. This is no small task and the outcome is in no way guaranteed. There are at least three to five more years of growing and training and avoiding the mishaps, such as accidents, falling prey to predators or being killed during the yearly hunting seasons, that are the regular fate of most bull elk.

If he makes it and is able to assume his place as King of the herd then he too will pass on the lineage he was born with. Right now he is just beginning to see the path before him and he is trying mightily to bolster his confidence. The carefree life of a young calf is behind him now and he’s paying very close attention to what the older bulls are  doing. His turn is coming up and he will need all the strength and experience he can gain. Wish him well, he has a long difficult journey ahead of him.

Let Sleeping Bears Lie

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LetSleepingBearLie2977Black Bear Yellowstone

Let sleeping bears lie. Boy, oh boy, oh boy, there’s some advice you need to listen to and hold dear. Up in Yellowstone if you should be so lucky as to come across a sleeping bear the general rule is to leave it alone. I mean, don’t talk to it, don’t throw little stones at it to get its attention, and don’t under any circumstances poke it with a stick. The size of the stick doesn’t matter. The rule still holds. Let sleeping bears lie.

They make these rules for a reason. Let’s consider a moment. You got a bear, average weight maybe 300 – 350 lbs., he’s got muscles like Arnie only bigger, he doesn’t have the best temperament even when he’s reasonably happy, which is seldom, and he’s always hungry. He’s sleeping because he’s tired, probably from having to hunt for food, or fight other bears, and he’s sick of it and simply needs to take some time off. Then you’ve got this annoying little person, who for some reason or other, is no longer of sound mind that wants to interact with it, just because, well just because they want to, and you have a recipe for dire consequences.

Another reason they say leave sleeping bears lie, is they don’t always react like reasonable beings. After you have woken the bear there usually isn’t time to have a conversation explaining why you think it is important that you need to disturb it because the bear is busy biting holes in your dumb ass. And then things get serious. So pay attention, when you come across a sign, or some advice, or a posted rule saying, don’t do that, Don’t do that.

The moral of this story is pretty simple. When you notice a sleeping bear let it lie.

This has been another public service announcement from your friends at The Institute. Remember, we have your best interests at heart.

They’re Back !

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WereBack2-6758Great Horned Owlets

Press Release: To be released 05-06-14. Authorized Promo for all medias. Show video tie-ins,  Printed material available for distribution. Commercial responses to be assessed by Media group connections. Run 30x per day every major market.

The Cemetery Owls season two promo follows

Narrator: Yes, they’re back! Those zany crazy little laugh a minute moptops with the big yellow eyes are back to delight you with their in-nest shenanigans once again. Watch as they drive their parents absolutely loopy with their fun-filled antics and outrageous behavior. They’re back in their nest at the old cemetery cottonwood just waiting for all the adventure and excitement that is bound to come their way.

Narrator: Gizzard and his sister Pellet are determined to add some spice to your owl viewing life. Watch while Gizzard coughs up something interesting and Pellet laughs with glee as he tries to not get it on him. The tables are turned when Pellet can’t swallow a mouse. They’ll have you chortling into your Heinekens with their natural but uninhibited enjoyment of owl life.

Narrator: They were the hit of the last years owl watching season and you can expect no less from these two Cemetery Owlets, Gizzard and Pellet and their harried but loving parents. It’s the Cemetery Owls coming to a TV screen near you. Make this hilarious new sitcom one of your favorites. Don’t miss it !

Cut to local media for time and channel insertion. Close and record airing schedule for billing and Nielsen ratings. Do not loop.