20% chance of weather. You hear it in every weather forecast. “Well, there’s a front moving down from the Canadian highlands bringing wind and a 20% chance of something”. Insert your own weather word here. Snow, ice, sunshine, brown m&m’s in the mix, giggles, bankruptcy, tornadoes, you name it. You can’t go wrong predicting 20% of something.
So how do you find out about upcoming weather while visiting Yellowstone? You watch the Weather Cow, that’s how. This is Lucretia, a 6-year-old cow elk with an uncanny ability to predict the weather. Once thought of as a freak and chased out of the herd, she is now sought after for her insights and amazing abilities to predict the weather for at least five days into the future.
We don’t know how she does it. At one point there was a movement to dissect her brain to figure it out but since there is only one of her, cooler heads prevailed and she was given the freedom to forecast the weather. If Lucretia says it’s going to rain you’re probably already wet. She is shown here gazing at the snowflakes she predicted yesterday. Because of her amazing talents there were some experiments undertaken to see if she could predict any other phenomenon, such as the stock market, chance of marriages surviving, Superbowl winners, but she didn’t do any better than any of the other elk asked the same questions. Obviously her talent is predicting the weather and she does that with startling accuracy.
Pennsylvania can have their Punxsutawney Phil, the ground-hog that can only answer one question and its usually wrong, we have Lucretia The Weather Cow and as far as predictions go she can run his chubby little backside right back into that hole in the ground.
Due to our connections to Yellowstone National park and the herd that Lucretia hangs out with, the Institute can offer another incredible service provided exclusively to our loyal but regular readers. We will provide either by postcard (postage extra) or electronic delivery predictions straight from the elk’s mouth as it were, addressed to you and only you for your weather forecasting needs. There will be a small monthly fee of $285.65 payable in advance with a 5 year contract. For that nominal fee you will get regular forecasts containing real weather words such as Snow, Wind, 20%, Sunny, Poganip, yes it’s a real word look it up, plus advisories like “OMG! Run for your lives it’s a class 5 twister, y’all” “Don’t stick your tongue on that Flagpole” “Edna let go of that milk cow” and many other catchy phrases heard on National TV. Each prediction will also include a signed picture of Lucretia our Weather Cow, and a 900 number where you can get even more information on various other subjects. Sign up now and sign up often, tell your friends and neighbors about this incredible offer, and remember to set up that autopay system we offer so you don’t miss a single months prediction and we don’t have to take you to court for failure to pay, but above all, Hurry! Sign Up! after all, we can’t do this all day.
Breaking News!!! Just in from The Weather Cow. There’s a 20% chance of snow this month. Didn’t we tell you this was incredible?