Tag Archives: park Rangers

Old No. 6

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Old No. 6 – Bull Elk – Yellowstone National Park
Memories of an old friend

I was wandering thru my wildlife portfolio when I happened across an old friend. Old No. 6 as he was known by one and all was a huge bull elk that frequented the area around the Mammoth Hotel in Yellowstone National Park. If you have ever visited Yellowstone in the Fall and seen all of the elk that wander freely about near the hotel and headquarters area you would have seen Old No. 6 majestically parading around the edges of the herd, striding through the collected cows with his incredible span of antlers held high as if he owned them, which he did by the way. At least until the Rut, the mating season, was over

He was magnificent in every way. Over 700 lbs. of pure ornery not to be interred with prime Yellowstone bull, he brooked no interference by man or beast at the best of times. At the worst of times everyone was advised to run away. Quickly and Far. Many times if he simply saw you, standing around daring to make eye contact, you were considered interference and he would try to convince you of the errors of your ways. Several eager but soon to be regretful tourists suffered a series of perforations at the ends of those needle sharp antler points and had to be treated for those wounds quickly lest they expire. As far as can be determined there were no fatalities due to confronting Old No. 6. but then they haven’t searched everywhere.

One of Old No. 6’s idiosyncrasies was to charge and attempt to fatally wound any vehicle that he deemed to be too close to his cows and calves. There were a certain number of body shops around the U.S. that owed a portion of their revenue to Old No. 6 for the holes in the body panels of the vehicles brought to them for repairs after a run in with cantankerous old No. 6. After a while he got famous enough for his bad behavior and intolerance of fools that the prestigious BBC and others came to immortalize him on film. Sadly he received no remuneration for his stardom which may have added to his curmudgeonly behavior.

Several times his behavior became so intemperate that the Park Rangers had to tranquilize him and saw off his antlers to prevent further mayhem. This event didn’t injure him in any way other than to make him even more furious but in an impotent way. It’s difficult to maintain your rep as the baddest bull out there when you have no antlers. This did little to change his attitude but it did slow down the ambulance rides and body work necessary after one of his tirades. But beyond that troublesome little fact of his anti-social demonstrations he was loved by the millions that saw him. Whenever he decided to take a break he would be immediately surrounded by the local Elkeratzzi who would take his picture. One of which was yours truly who is solely responsible for the image above. Now that he’s gone I’m glad that I took it. If he had seen it I think he would be pleased to be presented as a quiet, kindly soul, just taking a break from living life on his terms.

Elk Don’t Just Happen

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ElkHappen6614

Many times while walking through Rocky Mountain National Park I have heard children ask “Mommy, where do elk come from?” and mommy would reply “Uhmmmm, Just a minute honey.” while she thought up a good explanation. But mommies, while good-intentioned, often have their facts mixed up. Especially city mommies. The ones that think that milk comes from the 7-11. So they reach out there and pull something out of their Mother’s Book of Tricks handbook they all carry with them everywhere.

She will often hesitate to answer for a while thinking that junior or junioress will get sidetracked or because of their short little attention spans will simply forget they asked the question and mommy is off the hook. However there is always that one little precocious child that will say “Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom!” at the top of their shrill little voices until mom has to choose between infanticide and answering and will come up with a plausible, if off the wall answer.

In this case her response was “well honey, elk just don’t happen you know…” as she launched into her tale of where elk come from. She began by telling about how elk were a natural occurrence in the park but occasionally due to accidents, murder, kidnapping, being lured away for better jobs at higher pay by some of the bigger parks, yes, we’re looking at you Yellowstone, or simply falling over dead from a heart attack, they had to be replenished.

This is done by a  process called “New Elk Appearing Out of Thin Air Kind of Magically” and is a secret way the park Rangers have of ordering up new elk to replace the ones that go away. “Remember how Flatus, your goldfish went away while HelloKitty was playing with him? Well it’s kind of like that.” But the Rangers have a way cooler process they use. They have planted special trees throughout the park so that when they need new elk they water the tree with some special water, and soon big pods form on the trees and when they’re ready, the pods fall on the ground and pop open, and guess what comes out? That’s right new elk! As you can see over there by that big green tree they have just hatched six new elk.

I listened in awe as this woman, whom we shall call Mommy, completely pulled this story out of her you know what and told it to the munchkin with a completely straight face. She was incredible and I was completely smitten with her intellect. When I had the chance I told her how I admired her ingenuity she looked at me and said “What, it doesn’t happen that way?” and walked away.

Now I’m not sure if she was kidding or telling the truth so I asked the Ranger about it and he said “Oh Yeah, that’s how we do it. ” then went off to ticket someone who was trying to feed one of the elk a pop tart. I’ve thought about this quite a bit and it all seems a little glib to me so I’m asking any of you Moms out there for your thoughts on this. Was she telling the truth or was this an elaborate mommy thing done to avoid having “the Talk”. Please send any responses to The Director, at The Institute as soon as you can. Thanks