Tag Archives: Grand Canyon of The Yellowstone

The IQ Tree

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This is the I.Q. Tree. For centuries it has lived on the edge of a precipice overlooking the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone just a few feet away. It has been called many names over its lifetime. The tripod tree, even though it actually has four legs. The Crow who hunted this area called the tree ‘bii shiilik’*, which means “trap of souls” in their language, and as a society, that would be us, that was mesmerized by investigating the inner working of our minds it became the I.Q. Tree.

It is called the I.Q. tree because it is a test set up by Mother Nature as another way of assuring that the most intelligent of our species survived to breed and produce off-spring with even greater intelligence than the preceding one, thereby improving the human race.

It’s intriguing shape, with the four legs holding up the main trunk is a natural attraction drawing the curious in. That by itself wasn’t the test. The test was after those who had lesser intelligence than say, your average toaster, had tired of being in and under the tree, taking selfies, throwing stones over the edge, daring themselves or each other to go stand on the crumbly yet unstable edge of the precipice, where they would fall into the canyon, screaming as they fell for the 20 minutes or so that it took to reach the bottom, did so. Thereby failing the test. Those with a higher degree of intelligence, after seeing several people go over the edge would not go under  the tree, or go stand on the treacherous edge of the canyon. They would pass the test and pass on their intelligent genes to their progeny.

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This is the view those who failed the test saw as their final destination several miles below. One would think that you would first hit several or all of those rocky projections sticking up so precariously but as luck would have it there is usually a strong wind blowing through the canyon and it would carry you out far enough that you would normally land in the river or close to it.

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As second prize Mother Nature provides several intriguing views for you to gaze on as you made your descent. Here is a nice view of the falls. Unfortunately it is hard to hear its roar due to the wind screaming past their ears but it  was pretty anyway.

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And they met some interesting folks on the way down. In fact this would be the last one they would meet due to their imminent arrival with the river’s surface or at least the bank next to it. This is Raven or as he will soon be known to the new arrival as KWEKWAXA’WE or the Sorter. He will convey your soul, depending in his estimation of how you comported yourself on the way down to its final destination. If he decides you were completely devoid of any redeeming qualities he would carry you that place where you might be returned to our life as a lesser being to learn humility. If he found that you were constructed of more admirable traits but simply of lesser intelligence, he would convey you to that place that returned you to our sphere as a higher being, like a Golden Retriever or a reoccurring sunset over the Tetons.

However, in our enlightened society the powers that be made the decision to cut down the I.Q. Tree as they deemed it too harsh a test of societies general intelligence, plus it was working KWEKWAXA’WE to death, what with people dropping out the sky constantly. They thought that by tying the I.Q test of the I.Q. Tree to the general level of education in our country, that it placed a huge segment of our society, the dumb ones, at an unfair advantage. It sort of permanently held them back, as it were. It also raised a cry of ” Save the Dumb Ones” and “Dumb Ain’t Bad” from the lefties. At first KWEKWAXA’WE was dismayed as it seemed he might be out of job but then he took a look at us and thought “If ever there was a group who will find a way to take the test , it is this one.” and he went back to taking a short break satisfied that his job was secure.

If you go to the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone and go to the first lookout you will see that the tree is gone. There isn’t even a spot, or spots, where the roots entered the ground. So this is one of the last images you will see of it. However if you look closely you will see that they neglected to put up a guard rail to keep the curious from going over to that crumbly yet unstable edge and standing in the spot where so many have taken the test. So be careful if you go there. If you lean way out and look straight down you can see Raven lazily circling down there at the very bottom of the canyon, waiting, occasionally looking back up at you, wondering, will you pass the test.

* Note: bii shiilik is a Crow word meaning ‘Yellow Stone’ which became Yellowstone and as we all know if you have ever been there Yellowstone is a Trap of Souls, as once you have spent any time there your soul is trapped by it beauty.

The Day The Color Stopped

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Running a national park is very expensive, like astronomically expensive, and Yellowstone is the most expensive of all our great parks to operate. It takes mammoth amounts of tax dollars every day just to keep the lights on. I’ve heard people say “Yeah, so what’s so expensive then. You got a main gate with some ticket booths, a couple of buildings scattered around and a few guys in ranger suits driving around in prius’s. I don’t get it.”

What these misguided folks don’t know is that there is more to running a park than ticket booths and prius’s and that deep in the wilderness off behind Virginia cascade, there is a huge complex that is the very heart of Yellowstone. You’ve seen these innocent appearing roads marked Service Road Do not Enter as you drive around the park. Where did you think they went? They all lead back to this complex discretely called Main Park Services. There are buildings above ground and buildings below ground that control every aspect of the park. It is a huge undertaking and responsibility.

There are huge pumping stations that power all the rivers in the park, from the slow-moving Madison to the raging torrent of Yellowstone falls. You didn’t think these rivers flowed by themselves did you. There are turbine barns that house giant fans that create the wind throughout the park. They are large enough to create the maelstrom of straight line winds that cause the massive blow downs of thousands of trees you see everywhere, yet gentle enough to keep the golden grass of the Lamar valley waving peacefully as you drive by.

There is a separate building that only houses the IT department for the park. Hundreds of backwoods nerds drink coffee by the boatload and keep the computers running so that everything looks normal for the millions of visitors that pass through the park yearly. They have a division that does nothing but make employee name tags 24 hours a day. They create the schedules that designate where all the wildlife in the park needs to be at a given time on a given day. Just keeping track of all the widgeons and Harlequin ducks takes a full-time employee. And that doesn’t even begin to explore HR and payroll.

One of the most important functions of this complex and one that keeps a team of full-time Engineers busy night and day is maintaining the system of Shock Absorbers that keep the park geologically stable and maintains its ability to dampen the effect of the near daily earthquakes that plague the park. Buried deep within the earth are a series of hydraulically manipulated cavities approximately 1 1/2 miles wide and 2 miles deep lined with a complex material woven out of Teflon, cobalt and spider silk that are filled with 10w-30 motor oil. These huge bladders occupy about 2/3’s of the cavity and when an earthquake occurs they have the ability to swell up and absorb the energy through compression. This keeps the surface of the park from the heaving that causes road and structure damage. This is a key system to operating the park safely and cannot under any circumstances go all wonky of a sudden.

Another system that is very important, not just for keeping the visitors of the park safe, but more for their emotional welfare is the C L T C system (Chroma, Luminosity, Tonality and Intensity).This is the heart of the parks color generating ability and is crucial in keeping the attendance level up in the park. No color no visitors. It’s as simple as that. People will put up with 6 point earthquakes, long lines at the restrooms, snafus in scheduling the wolf packs but screw with the color and that’s that. They’re gone.

Huge color projectors are running constantly generating all the hues you see as you travel through the park. The sunsets over the Firehole river where it meets the Madison, the burnt orange of the newly hatched buffalo calf, the flicker of blue as a Stellar Jay flits from one branch to another, all of these are as important to the visitors as the earthquake dampening system. Without the color all you have is a park that looks like a 1940’s B&W film of Czechoslovakia except with hills and grizzlies.

Which is why, when we had the day the color stopped, it was so catastrophic. It all started innocently enough. People were lined up at the overlooks at the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone taking in the massive array of colors as they gazed at the multi-hued canyon walls. The impossible blending of every color you can imagine in a symphony of never-ending harmony that stretched for as far as you could see. What they didn’t see was the little relay switch on the main color projector blow with a small quickly dispersing cloud of smoke. Which led to an insufficient amount of power getting to the main bulb which suddenly flickered and died. Without the input from the bulb the CLTC system began to fail and the overload took out the backup system and color began to drain out of the Grand Canyon of The Yellowstone.

This had never happened before and soon people’s’ worst nature came to the surface. There was pushing and shoving, and instances of someone nearly going over the edge as the crowd stampeded for their cars. Children were crying, their arms outstretched waiting for someone to pick them up in a safe embrace, but the lack of color had the crowd panicking. They had only one thought in their minds. They had paid 50 bucks to get in and there was nothing to see. Fortunately there were no fatalities but it was only dumb luck that prevented them.

Yes, it was a terrible day, the day the color stopped, but the selfless employees at the complex did what it took to rectify the situation. A new bulb was slapped in, the CLTC system was rebooted and the little relay switch was replaced. Within hours the situation was back to normal. Yes there were a few people who left and felt they had wasted their 50 bucks, but those who had faith in the system were rewarded for their patience and loyalty with an extraordinary display of the colors of the Canyon that only a new bulb in the projector could provide.

We have provided an image from that fateful moment as the color began to drain out of canyon and you can see how depressing and mood altering this was for the spectators. It wasn’t long after this image was taken that the color completed drained out and flowed down the river lost forever. We have images of that too, but cannot in good consciousness show them to you.

The next time you visit Yellowstone National park and you feel the ground shake slightly, or see the rivers running freely, or notice the incredible beauty that color lends to the scenery you might think of that hidden complex called the Main Park Services and be thankful that the park is up and running as usual. I know I do.

Shades of Morning

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Good Morning,  Daanzhonl da, Apache [Jicarilla] (Arizona USA), Egun on, Basque (Spain, France), Jo san, Cantonese (China), Oga’an maolek, Chamorro (Guam, Mariana Island),  God morgen, Danish (Denmark, Greenland), Aloha kakahiaka, Hawaiian (Hawaii),  Uvlaalluaqtaq, Inupiaq (Alaska), Ohayo gozaimasu, Japanese (Japan), Hinhanni waste, Lakhota (United States), L-ghodwa t-tajba, Maltese (Malta), Ma cualli tlaneci, Náhuatl [classical] (Aztec Empire),  Ungil tutau, Palauan (Palau),  Ziech chuknaen, Udmurt (Russia), and Umhlala gahle, Zulu (Southern Africa).*

You can say it in any language you want, in fact I have a very good friend, an old Africa hand, that prefers Ema Asubuhi, Bwana, nacaca taka wiski tena taharuki, Which I gather means Good Morning Bwana, I want whiskey again, hurry. But even he agrees that the best mornings come from right off The Institutes primary photography deck here in Colorado.

We have a morning every single day here and we haven’t missed a single one as long as The Institute has been in existence. This is a pretty good record considering we have been up against some pretty stiff competition. There have been a few rumors that mornings are nice in Hawaii and they’re not too bad from the edge of the Grand Canyon of The Yellowstone but if you want a really good morning then right here, right next to the corner post of our very own photo deck, is the best place to be.

There are more ways to say Good Morning than I have listed. The good folks at Jenny’s Language pages say there are more than 3000 languages and counting so if you need to express yourself in another language you have a lot of possibilities. I prefer Good Morning as that is my native language and I’m familiar with all 60 or 70 words of it so I use it without even thinking about it. Lately I’ve been thinking that I may switch to Inupiaq, what we know as Inuit, because the words just seem to roll off my tongue, but I’m not sure yet. In any event here it is another good morning brought to you by the folks at The Institute. You’re welcome.

* Jennifer’s Language Page at users.elite.net/runner or www.elite.net/~runner).  Jennifer’s Language Pages are  an extraordinary place to find out how to say Good Morning in any language you may want to. Check it out.