Recollections of 2016 #1 The Trampling

Horses 1 – Photographers 0  

or

Some Horses Get Crazy and Trample People Just Because They Can

I was photographing the Indian Relay Races at Ft Hall, Idaho on  August 11, 2016. It was a day like all days with little warning that it was going to be an extraordinary day filled with head wounds, bruises and general unconsciousness unlike any I’d ever had before. It was warm with little to no breeze to cool one down. Shade was hard to come by out on the race track. It was one of those days where you just settled down, sweat and waited for the action to start.

I’ve done this photographing of horses, riders and races many times before in various parts of the country and have always had a good rapport with the horses involved in what I call Chaos on Four Hooves, or as they are really known, Indian Relay Races. As such I was not totally prepared to be run over and trampled unconscious by one of those horses for no other reason than I was there. In fact, as the day dawned I did not even think that such a beautiful and gracious creature could even harbor such maliciousness and spite, let alone act on it. I’ve always thought I was a pretty good judge of character in both Man or beast. After all I am a high school graduate and a veteran. I vote. I have been somewhat educated by our magnificent public education system. I have an I.Q. higher than a geranium but lower than a programmable oven that has served me well so far. I’m kind to puppies and little old ladies. Most of them anyway. I did not know this horse. I had not spoken to this horse. I had not slighted it in any way that I was aware of. The horse just decided that I was there so I should be trampled into a state of unconsciousness. And so that is what it did. And I’m told it appeared to enjoy it.

A little explanation for those who do not know what Indian Relay races are. It’s quite simple really. You get a bunch of horses divide them into groups of three, find a single rider for each group, then simply race around the track once, return to your starting place where you have your extra horses waiting, jump off your horse, run to the next one that your horse handlers are holding at the ready, leap on it, race around the track once more, return to your starting place, jump off your horse, leap onto another one, race off… well you get the picture. This is done until all the horses have been ridden and someone who has managed to stay alive and on top of his horse comes across the finish line before anyone else. Thus winning. This is the good part. Of course everyone goes gonzo nuts, yelling and screaming for their team and against all the others and a good time is had by all. Except unconscious photographers. They don’t have a clue what just happened. They don’t even know if they’ve been snake bit or struck by lightning.

How the race works sounds quite simple and in theory it is. What you don’t factor in until you’ve attended one of these races is the noise, the dust, the confusion, the energy, the horses who range from those silently waiting to those who have to be physically restrained by maybe biting its ear, until the rider returns and mounts it. There is the yelling of the crowd, the thunder of the hooves as they race by, the single-minded purpose of getting on your horses and winning this race at all costs, all this and more add to the general mayhem of Indian Relay Races.

This is the actual ‘photographer trampling horse’ on its way across the track to do the trampling. I, being  a trained observer, noticed its unexpected approach but thought little of it. I have to state here that this was a premeditated act on the part of the horse. You could see it in its eyes. It looked crazy. Demented. Homicidal. It looked like one of those people counting ballots in California late into the night or more like someone reading the election results that next morning. The rider was powerless at this point to stop the horse, turn it from its chosen path or to reason with it in any manner. If you look closely he is trying to talk the horse out of this unreasonable behavior but to no avail. That horse wouldn’t listen. It was driven. Its looks are deceiving as it appears in the photo as if it is ambling across the track in a leisurely manner, but in actuality it was at full gallop and coming across like a Burlington freight train and you’re stuck on the track like a stranded gasoline tanker. You just know there is going to be a fire, not to mention a lot of noise. This is mere moments from what is now known as TTP or ‘trample the photographer”. A day which will live in infamy.
Many people are much more accepting of herbal products because of their harmless characteristics.

Some of the things that go on as the race unfurls are crashes where one horse and rider will crash into another, either by accident or in some strategic hope of knocking the other guy out of the race, or just sheer exuberance in being in alive on such a beautiful day. This is all considered good fun and hardly anyone takes offence. Below is the aftermath of one of those events.

As you can see, the horse has most likely kicked this young man in the stomach. And stolen his shoes, plus probably created a small amount of trauma induced blindness causing him to use a special ‘kicked in the stomach’ stick to find his way off the race track before he gets trampled by the oncoming herd. That may not be the accurate explanation of events but since there was a lot going on it’ll do. Meanwhile back in the center of the track where there is a lot more mayhem happening, a rider is on his knees begging the horse to let him back on and of course the horse being a horse is having none of it. In fact it looks like the horse is trying to position itself so that it can kick him in the stomach too. Of course the crowd finds this all vastly entertaining and cheers loudly.

Here is the final almost actual happening of the trampling. The horse is breaking through the barrier. The photographer at risk, which in this case would be me, you can tell because I’m the one in the white hat with the red arrow pointing at me, doing my version of the moonwalk trying to get out of the area. I was prepared to Moonwalk clear to Boise if necessary. The horse apparently was wise to that ploy however and made an immediate right turn and trampled me. I, as a matter of self-preservation, immediately became unconscious and played dead, having heard this will often trick the attacking animal into leaving you alone. That part must have worked because as soon as it had its trampling done it turned and raced back on to the track in a vain attempt to win the race. It didn’t.

I awoke a short time later lying on the ground, looking up to find my self surrounded by EMT’s. One said “How you doing?” I asked if I was hurt. ” No.” He replied, ” you’re just old.” It was at that point I told him to do something anatomically impossible. They all laughed as if all of this was great fun and helped me up. Not badly mangled I returned to shoot the rest of the race.

Getting trampled by a great huge ugly horse filled with an unlimited amount of malice is not something I’d recommend to you. It’s really uncomfortable. But after the fact it becomes one of those things guys talk about where you have some bragging rights, kind of like someone who gets shot and lives to show off his bullet wounds. “Yeah, check this out, I got this in a drive by over on Cranston. Damn near killed me”  However once is enough. I am not a slow learner. The next time I shoot a race I’m going to have my giant telephoto lens and shoot the race from across the parking lot. On top of an RV. That ought to be safer. Let that crazy bastard try getting me up there.

Observers

2016-11-11observers0935IPPC selfie taken at Capitol Reef early in the formation of the solar system

Oh my goodness!!! What just happened here? Many years ago, like around 128 Badillion B.C. the Intergalactic Political Policing commission came to Earth, although it wasn’t called Earth then but Flyspeck9278459331 on the then used Dull Normal Planetoid scale, to observe the current inhabitants election process. Above is a selfie they took shortly after landing.

After they observed our attempts to wisely choose our leaders and maintain a workable political system they immediately diverted a moon-sized comet from the nether regions of the universe to smack into us and wipe out all signs of sentient life on our planet. This was intended to be a warning to anyone who came later to get their crap together and not be gonzo nuts.

However *The institute who, by the way, keeps in close contact with the IPPC (Intergalactic Political Policing commission) as a precaution and to be aware of their current thinking about our planet, so as not to be included in getting wiped out with everybody else next time, has learned that we have stepped in it again, according to the Chief Supreme Really Qualified Helmet-head leader guy (1st big one on the left above) of the IPPC. Accordingly due to our apparent world-wide psychosis and gullibility, we are not fit to govern ourselves.

Consequently they have once again, and we can say they were pretty darn exasperated with us this time, diverted a planetary body roughly the size of Afghanistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan,Tajikistan, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan all rolled into one lumpy ball of solid rock traveling at just below the speed of light to crash into the D.C. area mid-afternoon on a Wednesday around 2175. This asteroid, comet, planetoid whatever you want to call it, is known as 1999 RQ36 according to NASA and is the real deal verifiable by googling “Impact Event” and “big freaking rock things that can hit earth” even without the IPPC improving their aim.

We, meaning *The Institute and those people we like and who have adequately sucked up to us, have petitioned for our transfer to another earth-like planet with pre-built housing that is neater than we have now, with better WiFi and no taxes and the ability to send back to the Cinder That Was Earth anyone who proposes to be our leader again. Since we have majorly sucked up to the IPPC, one by repeatedly telling them what a good job they’re doing, and two, ratting out the current band of politicians, we feel we stand a good chance of getting out of here when the asteroid hits the fan, so to speak.

If you’re one of those who think that we’re in deep kimchi, politically, then I suggest you immediately begin sucking up to us at your earliest convenience.  And Yes, We will be keeping lists so act sincere when you tell us how good a job we’re doing.

* Note: For those of you unfamiliar with The Institute and what it does, please see the page labeled The Institute on the Menu Bar above. That should explain everything. You shouldn’t have one single question remaining regarding The Institute after reading it. None. For those of you favored few who already know about the Institute, Nevermind. Return to your daily activities. Thank you for your support.

Announcement ! We’re On A Mission

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Or more accurately we were on a mission. That’s why there have been a dearth of posts lately here at BigShotsNow-The Blog. Saving lives and getting huge ATTABOY’s are what we live for. We’re back now. The patient lived and is properly grateful. Some of you know, at least the ones we’ve rescued from certain disaster before, that *The Institute has a search and rescue facility on site. We get distress calls from individuals all around the globe who have gotten themselves into some sort of medical emergency and needed our immediate response. Consequently we have semi-trained technicians, although they are not always medically trained, that can provide life saving procedures if necessary. Usually they just stand around leaning up against the mess hall wall, looking for someone bleeding or dragging around a severed limb so they can jump on them and save ’em. There have even been unsubstantiated reports of an unsuspecting new-to-be patient getting struck in the brain pan area with a brick or small length of two by four to induce what they call “patient-dom” so they have something to do. Otherwise they serve no useful purpose until a call come in.

But when a call does come in, jump back, because then they go gonzo nuts grabbing their med kits, getting a fix on where the calamity is, piling into the our private medical dirigible,”The Mother Theresa”, and springing into action when necessary. There is no accident or mayhem or chaos that is too far away, or too huge for our team to handle. Their motto is “Yeah, Well, How bad can it be?”

Lets just say you’re in the tall grass just outside of Mburu Buro slightly north and west of JoBerg and you get bit by a Black Mamba, (also called the ex-wife snake) one of the fastest meanest snakes in the world. They’re so mean that if there is no one else is around to bite they’ll bite themselves. You call us, we fire up the dirigible and we’re on the way. Unfortunately in that case you’re SOL because Black Mamba bites are deadly in a about two and a half minutes. Sorry. But thanks for calling us any way.

In each of our med kits we have life-saving equipment, such as big gauzy pads to hide all the blood, point and shoot cameras for selfies and to document our procedures and maybe some scenery shots if we go someplace cool, little skinny bandages that are good for holding someone’s eyelids open when you don’t want them to go to sleep. Lots of different sized baggies for placing over stumps and the rolls of duck tape to hold them in place. Specially grown sticks off of the Hawthorne grove down in the valley to bite on in case we have to remove a limb or larger portions of torso. A small hammer wrapped in a resilient foam-like material to gently tap the patient out with. We cannot, due to a screw up with the licensing procedures, carry any anesthesia or pain medication so we found that a short-term, manually induced coma works just as well, and is more profitable for us. Anesthesia is expensive, just saying.

Recently a very good friend had a procedure done in a normal medical facility run by a For Profit corporation ( first mistake ) that sent her into a total tailspin causing a crash that nearly gave her severe whiplash along with the loss of her spine and resulted in her calling on The Institute to come to her aid. Which we did. Luckily for her we were able to call our team back from that Black Mamba incident and get to her location in time to assist her. It took a few days to get things completely under control, but we did, and now she is happy, not to mention pert and sassy, and in nearly perfect health.  Plus she looks marvelous. She’ll have a few scars but they’re tasteful ones and unless you know her well will never see them anyway. She has a new opinion of The Institute and its Director, which is favorable. Lets hope all that feeling of good will remains after we bill her.

So there you have it. That’s why we’ve been out of touch but there’s plenty of old stuff to read until we get back so don’t go away mad. Remember if you get into trouble “Who You Gonna Call?: The Institute that’s who. We’re standing by.

* Note: For those of you unfamiliar with The Institute and what it does, please see the page labeled The Institute on the Menu Bar above. That should explain everything. You shouldn’t have one single question remaining regarding The Institute after reading it. None. For those of you favored few who already know about the Institute, Nevermind.

When The Sun Comes Out

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When the sun comes out and the color is at its peak in Yellowstone National Park this kind of thing happens. This is what makes color photographers go absolutely gonzo nuts. At this time of year there is always a cloud cover of sorts going on. From high gray clouds that act like a filter on your lens and make the colors deeper and richer and more muted than average daylight, to the other side of the spectrum where the clouds are singular but very large, covering huge parts of the landscape. When the bright sun breaks through them and hits an open spot along the stream bed this happens. An explosion of color that looks like flames that give off no heat. It hits your eye and you are instantly mesmerized unable to look away. Especially when you know its only going to last a few moments.

This is the Gibbon river as it flows through the Virginia Cascade on its way down into the Norris valley. This is a narrow canyon with steep vertical walls that forces the river into a narrow channel and sends it over several beautiful waterfalls. At the lower end of the valley there is room for foliage and grasses to grow. This foliage is part of the few plants that turn into the reds  and golds and oranges you see in the park. When they are in contrast with the deep dark greens of the pines and the natural purplish shadows formed by the canyon walls you get these incredible bursts of color. Intense, vibrant, profusion’s of color that are set into the river bank like jewels in a crown. This view is not a constant unchanging scene, as soon as the clouds move it will be gone. When it returns it will most likely look entirely different, providing a slow-moving kaleidoscope of visual delight. The trick is to be there when it happens.