Christmas Gift selection # 6 For 2017 – Your Very Own National Park

Rocky Mountain National Park Colorado

Note: This is a repost of one of our Top Ten Gifts for the discerning buyer originally published in December of 2013, a year that will live in infamy. In what has become a half-assed tradition here at The Institute we have been irregularly reposting these now famous gift selections at this time of year when we remember to do so, in a lame attempt to create a Holiday Tradition and mostly because we suddenly realize it’s Christmas time and we don’t have squat done as far as writing new stuff. It’s fun and we don’t have to spend the time taxing our limited sense of originality making that new stuff up. Enjoy.

Your Very Own National Park!!!

Here it is, your chance to own a National Park known the world over for its scenery and wildlife with no strings attached. That’s right, you would be the sole owner! Keep it like it is, Develop it, Scrape it and put up a better one, the possibilities are limited only by your imagination. What an incredible gift this will make for that special person on your list. This National park has it all, towering majestic 14,000′ peaks, the mountains that scrape the sky, teeming wildlife populations that include huge free-roaming elk herds, black bear, owls, eagles, marmots and chipmunks, fish, 11 coyotes, some beaver, Bighorn Sheep, and a pika.

How can this be? you ask. Well what most people don’t know is that *The Institute has a real estate division that often contracts with the Federal government to dispose of property it no longer wants. We were contacted by the Department of Interior to conduct a sale of this National Park due to policy changes that no longer emphasized the focus on Nature and it’s attractions. Since the downturn and sequestering and the lack of attention to the American publics wants and needs it has been decided to liquidate some of our most popular Natural attractions to show our willingness to be fiscally responsible. While this may be disturbing to the few who actually like Nature it is an incredible opportunity for one of you, or a group if you decide to pool your lunch money, to own a huge part of American history, not to mention acreage.

This National Park, which we can not name at this time due to federal regulations, but whose initials are Rocky Mountain National Park, will be offered for sale beginning this week by closed auction. Opening bids start at $20.00 and will continue until we decide that’s enough money and close the sale. Since the Director will have the final say and this is a private sale open only to people we like or that have an impressive amount of money, foreign governments welcomed, any considerations made to the Director personally will be taken into consideration ( for clarification contact the Director at his private number, all offers confidential )  in deciding when to close the sale.

This sale includes the National Park, all 265,761 acres, it’s infrastructure including all buildings, roads, water rights, lakes, ponds and puddles and necessary fencing, any personal effects left by departing staff members, all wild life including any offspring born to said park wildlife outside the boundaries of the park, the food service court located at the visitor center on Trail ridge road, all other concessions connected to the park, anything with the name Rocky Mountain National Park on it, the right to charge admission to enter and set regulations regarding that visit, if you desire to continue allowing access by the public that is, the ability to retain any proceeds from the sale of items left in the lost and found department and other perks to numerous to mention.

Bidding begins at noon December 24th and ends at 12:00am December 31st. Winning bid will be announced January 15th, 2014. All bids are to be in cash or bearers bonds, presented directly to the Director of The Institute by the end of business on December 31st, 2013 and are non-refundable. The Director has sole authority to determine winner in case of tying bids. So here’s your chance to really suck up to the guy. Any inducements no matter how lewd will be entertained. Title will be conveyed by an act of Congress sometime in the future.

National Park bidding begins at $20.00

Take advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity and bid early and often. If you aren’t successful on this property there is the possibility that two more properties are on the block for later disposal. We can’t disclose which two but think Big Ditch and Geysers and you’ll be close.

Merry Christmas everyone!

* Note: For those of you unfamiliar with The Institute and what it does, please see the page labeled The Institute on the Menu Bar above. That should explain everything. You shouldn’t have one single question remaining regarding The Institute after reading it. None. For those of you favored few who already know about the Institute, Nevermind. Return to your daily activities. Thank you for your support.

Fishing Wolves

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This is a fishing wolf. Actually it is a captive gray wolf that lives at the Grizzly and Wolf Discovery Center in West Yellowstone, Montana. The pack members were born in captivity and can not be released back into the wild. Every effort is made to provide them with natural surroundings and as close to wild conditions as possible. To keep them engaged mentally they are provided with the ability to hunt their own food, but in a very special way.

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The staff brings in a barrel full of live trout and releases them into the stream that runs through the wolves enclosure. The trout range in size from 6-7″ up to 12″ or so. They immediately spread throughout the stream and it becomes very difficult to find them.

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As soon as the staff leaves the area the wolves begin the hunt. They start by walking along the bank and poking into the areas next to rocks and along the shore hoping to feel one with their paws. The fish are difficult to see and the wolves have to rely on touch. Their sense of smell doesn’t help them either and the hunt becomes a definite challenge for them.

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When the light is right and the fish are moving the wolves can sometimes see where the fish are. They spend quite a while standing very still and watching until they get a line on where they think the fish is.

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Then they do something I’ve never seen a wolf do in the wild. They plunge their heads completely under water hoping to catch the fish. I don’t know if they keep their eyes open while their heads are submerged or if they simply rely on luck to make contact. This happens over and over and they never seem to tire of it. Some of the wolves are better at this than others, keeping their heads under longer and sweeping it back and forth.

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The downside of this method is you sometimes get water in your ears.

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But you shake it off and go back to the hunt.

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Then just when it looks like they will never catch one, they do. Success at last. Keeping a good grip on the thrashing fish this wolf makes his way out of the stream.

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Catching one of the wily trout calls for a victory lap which also doubles as an opportunity to look for a place to eat his prize in peace.

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Having found his favorite place in the sun he settles down to enjoy his hard won meal. Surprisingly or maybe not, as wolves tend to be polite to each other, there is very little poaching by the other wolves. If they catch it, it’s theirs and they are left to finish it in peace.

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The others in the pack redouble their efforts now that they have seen how it’s done. This process will fill up the better part of a day until all or most of the wolves have caught their limit.