How Not To Listen For Ground Squirrels

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There are several things wrong going on in this image of Otis Onebear listening for ground squirrels. First is after digging a fairly large-sized wallow in an exploratory gesture to see if ground squirrels were even in the vicinity, he assumed a posture that is very uncomplimentary to bears. Second would be listening for ground Squirrels when it is really hot out.  Sound travels through the earth at a much slower rate when the temperature is above 90°, so you have to wait longer to hear it. Third is leaving your great big bear head in the same place too long instead of moving it all over the place sampling for ground squirrel activity.

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Of course the end result of all of this is preordained. The ground feels so good. The buzzing of the flies is hypnotic. The heat was bearing down on that big shaggy black coat. His butt weighed way too much to be held up in the air like that for very long and the inevitable happened. His big butt slowly and embarrassingly sank down into a pleasant resting position and he was instantly plunged into heavy sleep. Busses full of tourists came by laughing and pointing, taking flash pictures of him in broad daylight. Someone tried to sneak up on him to pin a “Kick Me I’m Sleeping ” sign on him but his tour translator caught him in time and explained about the negative result of “pinning” bears, even if it would be funny back home.

Eventually Otis Onebear woke up, wobbling to his feet and looking around with that baffled expression of  “What?” before heading off into the trees with the vague idea of campsites, lickable empty tin cans, maybe one of those tied up dogs they leave to bark in the afternoon while they’re off falling into geysers and what not. Anything would be better than listening for ground squirrels.