The Joy Of Birding

Avocet Chick – Bear River Migratory bird refuge

Birding is one if those things people do to get outside and commune with nature where many of the wild birds live. Their sole purpose is to look at those birds and say “I saw you, now I can go home and have a beer.” They make a list of all the different kinds of birds they’ve seen over the years and write them down in a little book, which is called their ‘Life List’. This is shown to other birders and gets them Street Cred in the “I saw a bird and you didn’t” world of birding.

This is not a sport for the uneducated. You can’t be stone cold dumb and be a birder. Many birders have attended highly prestigious places of edification where they don’t necessarily teach birding per se, but they do teach Latin which is used to name and classify bird species and confuse non Latin speakers. This makes the Latin user appear to be much brighter than the poor unwashed non Latin speaker and maintains the guild system that we Americans seem to love so much. It also keeps the rif-raf where they belong and the superior, well, superior. This system is primarily human based as the birds themselves couldn’t give a flying fig about what people call them. Except for peacocks, they are so vain.

One of the burning questions in the birding world is where to go to see birds. Where do they live? Are they accessible to Americans? Does one have to quarantine before looking at a bird? Can you see a bird if you don’t know its Latin name? What do they eat? Are they carnivorous? Do they favor the various root vegetables such as Rutabaga or Turnips? We know they don’t like Parsnips, nobody likes parsnips. These are just a few of the questions asked by people who don’t know any better but want to know so they can move up in the birding world.

One of the places where you can go and look at a bird is one of the various wildlife refuges. This is land that the government has deemed to be of absolutely no other use and therefore suitable to warehouse our excessive bird inventory. Species like those little brown birds you see pecking at everything everywhere. They’re all over the place. You’ve probably tripped over them. It’s very likely they have a Latin name of some sort but who knows what it is. Even if you heard it you wouldn’t know what it meant so one can safely discount and ignore them and go on to look at more interesting birds.

Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge near Brigham City, Utah is one of those holding pens where excess birds are held until they’re needed elsewhere. There you can see huge quantities of birds. They have them stacked all over the place. There are whole fields of those little brown birds spoken of before, which has been learned are actually a house sparrow or the Latin named Passer domesticus. There are great huge lumps of the White Faced Ibis piled willy nilly in unsightly stacks anywhere it’s wet. There you can select an assortment of birds for your own migratory bird refuge, if you have one. Way in the back of the refuge where it’s quieter, is an enormous area filled with lockers where larger birds such as the Tundra Swan are kept until it’s time to cut them loose and send them on up to the Tundra where apparently they are desperately needed at different times of the year.

One of the all time favorites for birders is the American Avocet. The image above is of a young Avocet or chick as they’re more vulgarly known. They look surprisingly like an adult Avocet only smaller. Its bill or beak has yet to grow into the graceful recurve that it uses to sweep through and syphon the water for its favorite food, the Rattle-back Shinsnuggler larvae which is only found here at the Bear River Migratory bird refuge. At least it is believed to be the Rattle-back Shinsnuggler larvae. There were no explanatory signs to indicate what the food is so an assumption was made which is believed to be close to what ever it is that the young Avocet or Chick is eating.

If you are interested in ‘Birding’ or its companion sport ‘Snake-ing’ you can contact any sporting goods store where they’ll sell you everything you might possibly need in the way of birding equipment. They also might tell you where to see birds but I wouldn’t count on that. However you already know where to go as you have just been told right here. It’s the Bear River Migratory bird refuge. So, Happy Birding then, and look down occasionally, that’s where the snakes are.

The Institute and The Incredible Role It plays In Horticultural Stuff Yesterday Today And Tomorrow

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We, The Institute, have been accused and nearly slandered by some people out there who ask us outright “What do you do with all that incredible grant money you don’t get from the United States government? Do you waste it? Do you use it for immoral purposes? (I can’t believe they would ask us that us that so I won’t dignify that with a response) Do you ever use it for horticulturaly enriching the lives of the citizens and taxpayers of this great country of ours? And so on.

Well we take great umbrage at those people who ask us stuff like that and if we were vindictive we’d wish that all of them would perish in great huge awful pain from like a space explosion or falling into a volcano, or having to sit through a few of those caucuses that are happening right now, but we’re not, so we’ll answer one of those questions.

We’ve chosen the question directed at the horticultural aspect of our work here at The Institute. The Institute’s vast land holdings in other countries and even here on The Institute’s grounds are filled to the brim with every type of horticultural experiment, both good and bad, that you could possibly imagine plus some more to boot that you couldn’t think of in, like, a million years.

Let’s just take one example of an incredible horticultural breakthrough that has been made by our team of dedicated, underfed and misused technicians, groundskeepers and PhD’s that are the backbone of our horticultural pogrom here at The Institute. This is our latest patented, trademarked, copyrighted, DNA controlled, addition to the Pea family, “The Purple Pea ™” patent not pending due to forgetting to apply but will soon, maybe, plus © in Panama, the Iberian peninsula, and China, the not communist part.

What makes The Purple Pea ™ so unique? It’s coloring for one. It’s purple. All other inferior peas are green and always will be no matter how long you cook them. When your children’s children are playing “Kill ’em All ver. 6.8.7” on their Xboxes on Ganymede those boring peas will still be green. Our Purple Peas™ will be purple, and Royal Purple as well. Why? Because purple is the color of Royalty and if you have to eat peas why not feel good about it. Purple will also distinguish them from the other tasteless, odorless, bland but boring vegetables on your plate.

 Another benefit of Purple Peas ™ is the ease with which they can be harvested. Plain government funded peas have to be harvested by someone bending over and pulling the individual pea pod from the lowly bush it is attached to. This is hard. Many Americans simply refuse to do it. “Let them rot.” they say “I’m not bending over.” So other individuals must be found, sometimes at a very low rate of cost, to harvest the nation’s peas. This seems un-American. Or maybe just wrong. We don’t know. Here at The Institute we try to stay out of politics if we can. (Except for saying don’t vote for that one comb-over guy who looks and acts like Mussolini).

With our new improved Purple Peas ™ the harvesting is so simple even politicians could do it if they really had to work for a living. The peas grow on a tree at eye level so that no bending over is required, which may improve our unemployment numbers because real Americans could be put back to work harvesting Purple Peas™ at a huge rate of cost. According to our resident economists, who have issued a policy statement regarding lowering our unemployment rates, that states and we quote, “That would be good.”.

Here’s how it works. The Purple Pea™ trees bear the pods and as the pods grow they turn purple which is an aid to recognizing them, and soon become stuffed to their very seams with bright round, very Purple Peas™. At just the right moment these pods unfurl  in a corkscrew manner, allowing the Purple Peas™ within them to roll along the side of the pod gaining speed and burnishing themselves to a lovely shade of Royal Purple. Harvesting is as simple as placing a pot or pan or 55 gal drum under the flow of cascading Purple Peas™ and stand back. Watching the pots and pans fill up and seeing them be collected for shipment here and abroad is a pure joy. The most difficult part of the harvest is standing in a place where one doesn’t get hit in the eye by one of these Purple Peas™ rocketing off the pod into the harvesting vessel.

One of the niggling little problems of our new and improved Purple Peas™ is getting people in the United States accustomed to the taste of the new pea variety. Unfortunately they taste like eight day old scallops and have the consistency of previously chewed earth worms. Our taste tests in sub-Saharan desert countries have not indicated this to be a problem, but their diet is different from what we here in the states are used to. This is preventing us from getting approval from the Food and Drug  Administration to sell these on the open market but thankfully that has not affected our road side stands or food fair operations.

So rest assured The Institute is still tirelessly at work developing new strains of most of our common foodstuffs and hope to have new and colorful products out soon. Watch for our patent not pending, copyrighted, trademarked, Purple Peas™ at a food venue near you.

Announcement !!!

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We now return you to our regular programming.

For the last week or so BigShotsNow has been running previously published posts in celebration of our posting our 500th story on January 11th 2015. For 500 days I have gotten up before dawn, done the milking, then plowed Wolf Creek Pass from the top down, helped guide a lost polar expedition back to civilization, cured cancer, designed a new solar-powered flying backpack that frees all Americans from the tyranny of driving on our congested highways, crocheted a snood, and done the canning for this season, all before sitting down to write the morning blogs you all have come to rely on so heavily to start your day.

Frankly I was tired. But after having a rest from the milking and the plowing and getting my snood sized properly over the last week, all that’s behind me. I’m back. I’m ready, and I’m here to shoot pictures and write stories for another 500 days.

I want to thank you once again for checking in, and checking us out and I hope it wasn’t too painful for you. Tomorrow starts a new year at BigShotsNow, with fresh new images and fresher stories. Stay tuned it’s going to be a fun ride. And if we haven’t already told you Happy New Year!